Winter expulsion ended last night in my part of the world with Walpurgisnacht. The ancestors and other winter wihts have been sent away or gone back to sleep, with the wihts of summer getting their busy schedules to full speed. With May Day summer’s growing season officially begins in my region. Leaves begin to form in the trees and shrubs, most of the migrating birds are back and already starting families. The risk of frost is practically gone and it is safe to plant outdoors now.
This year May Day has taken on greater significance for me than usual. For roughly the past 2 and a half years I only did lip service at best for the holidays and wihts, only going as far as posting a happy ____ on Facebook and maybe here. I was completely devoid of spirituality and the past year I was at my lowest with having to move back in my parents house. Everything in my life was kept in boxes in the garage the entire time, including my sacred items, and I only had the basement couch at night to myself. Not surprisingly that year was also my worst with regards to depression and suicidal thoughts. I wasn’t really living anything in my life, just going through the motions and obsessed with trying to stay financially afloat after grad school. My student loans weren’t as bad as some and I was lucky enough to have a rent-free roof over my head, but it gets draining to have no peaceful space in a full house of hotheaded Catholic conservatives. I had few human connections, couldn’t do any of my hobbies except watch movies, and couldn’t be myself in that stifling environment. If it weren’t for my boyfriend and a few relatives I doubt I’d still be here. Now that I’m free in good jobs and have my own space in a lovely town I’m essentially starting from scratch again, figuring out who I want to be, what direction my spirituality and career should head towards, and trying to form connections with others.
This summer I am starting a vegetable garden and investing more effort into my jobs to figure out my career options. My art and spinning supplies are unpacked and dusted off, ready to be used again. I’m traveling a bit more and trying new things. And most importantly, I’m able to feel happy and hopeful again. Hopeful that this growing season will result in a rich crop for me on many levels.
Happy May Day to you all.
Today is also the day to Light The Beacons, to show heathens who stand in solidarity against racism and bigotry. While fire is more associated with the solstices in my religion, I will still #LightTheBeacons in support.